I already know I’m going to get a lot of criticism, it’s okay. Someone has to tell you these things, I feel compelled to stir the waters of this social prison.
If you’re a woman I suggest you close this page now so you won’t be pissed off for the rest of the day. Where were we? I was explaining the common problem of the american man who, in order to make sure he gets laid all the time, for fear of being alone or because of social pressure (family, friends), runs off in search of a serious relationship hoping that “being together”, said verbally and certified by his status on Facebook, is a guarantee for a good relationship.
If you have done so, you will have noticed with wonder that after some time, SYSTEMATICALLY happens the following:
- Feelings of jealousy arise: you become clingy, childish, submissive and annoying or angry, obsessive, harassing and oppressive … all this shows your insecurity resulting in zero physical attraction (Jealous/Insecure)
- Although there are some problems and she is not exactly as you wanted her you begin to think that she is the only one who wants you, you think it is too late (or too hard) to find another woman more suitable for you and you have no more hope or alternatives. So you start to do everything you can to settle your quarrels and live quietly, you think that if she wasn’t there you would be alone like a dog, so you settle and get on with it (resigned/submissive unsatisfied)
- You rest on your laurels and you don’t know how to arouse attraction anymore, managing this aspect of the relationship is up to you, By neglecting it she will look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere (Inconclusive/AttractionZero)
In other articles we have talked about how to deal with these individual problems, here instead we try to understand why we always find ourselves embroiled in such situations and if there is a way to prevent them in the future. Once the relationship began slowly triggered a series of disadvantageous dynamics that led to the degeneration of the relationship.
This happens when you go straight into the relationship without having the right knowledge and experience (the jump from point 3 see previous article). By now we have all understood that to have a healthy relationship with a woman it is necessary to have collected several sexual and relational experiences with other women (it does not mean being a whoremonger).
This allows us to grow emotionally and better understand what we want and don’t want for the future of our lives. Reasoning in statistical terms, you will agree that it is very unlikely to find a soul mate on the first or second try given the total number of women in the world. Claiming to the first one you meet that “she is the one” is presumptuous. Of course you may have been very lucky or maybe you are both swept away by love or maybe it’s fate… But the reality is that in order to find the right woman for you, the one you really like, with whom you naturally create the right affinity, you will have to get busy and search far and wide.
A small parenthesis: have you ever felt embarrassed in front of a girl? If you also happen to not know what to say to a woman, I’ll let you in on a little secret: you can find it here Having sex with a woman without being with her. It is possible, it is a reality: we have talked about it here. Staying together, getting engaged, making promises of fidelity and even marriage are conventions not present in nature but invented by our society (and very different in all cultures). This does not give you the right to betray your partner’s trust nor is it an excuse to do so (see below). We are getting closer… What is point 3?
Some users have come very close to the solution of the problem, basically it is true that before getting together with a woman you have to evaluate her well, get to know her better, both sexually and character-wise, etc… etc… Consider her a “friend” or a “friend more” until both of you are ready to evolve the relationship.
Without using strange terms she will be for you a girl you are dating, a woman you have been dating for a while. In the beginning, dating (including sex) for a longer period of time without necessarily telling everyone that “you’re officially together” is completely natural. It doesn’t mean disrespecting her or not caring enough about her, it means being a man who believes that a relationship is serious and therefore taking the time to think things through before taking that step. We understand that we don’t have to rush and certainly doing so gives us the time we need to get to know and understand the woman next to us better.
This is a very good measure.
But we need to be more specific, it is not in fact the solution that prevents our initial problem. Before deciding to get serious with a woman, it is advisable to have had… a fair amount of experience. True. …However… Even those who have had several women stumble over this problem. Why?
We are not perfect…
Our judgment is clouded in some circumstances (psychological/anthropological premise)
Nature throughout our lives guides us to a specific purpose: survival of the species (reproduction yay!). This message is transmitted to you by your instinct, the rational part of your brain will make decisions and act according to what your instinct tells you, which unfortunately is not very nice… it does not say “Hey, Sam, I recommend you to keep fit and fuck like a hedgehog!” but it communicates by making you feel emotions including anxieties, phobias and fears.
(I have simplified it a lot… for more details do a research… the amygdala is the “oldest” region of the brain, home to our primordial impulses, those that have allowed us to get to the present day). In fact, being afraid of death or perceiving the dangers bigger than they are, is not a symptom of a psychological disease to be treated, but it is perfectly normal… it’s simply your instinct that tells you in an abrupt way: “Be careful! Take care of yourself or else you’ll croak and if you croak you can’t reproduce!” The other sneaky message that instinct sends is the fear of being alone.
The purpose is to get a move on…if you’re alone you can’t reproduce…so here again the message is clear: “Reproduce!” (Obviously if you impregnate the first one that comes along your instincts won’t take any responsibility)
To summarize: instincts have the ability to influence your judgment without you realizing it. When you think the time has come for you to make a decision about your dating life make sure you are not influenced by these instinctive fears. You should know that this fear of “being alone” is activated when you date few women.
Don’t have any girlfriends? Do you date a girl every six months?
Your instincts wake up and tell you “ALERT: the raw material is scarce! I recommend that as soon as one fits…don’t let her get away: reproduce!” Imagine it’s dinner time, you’re hungry… you come home, open the fridge and it’s completely empty… there’s only half a chicken. What do you choose to eat? The half chicken! Maybe you even convince yourself that it’s good and that it was just what you wanted. What does that mean?
In order to choose, you must have options.
You have the freedom to choose only when concrete alternatives are present.
Otherwise we speak of a forced decision. In seductive terms we can define point 3: First of all you have to populate the pond in which you are going to fish… expand your pool of female knowledge, go out and meet many women (quantity to facilitate the “destiny effect”). During the period in which you are dating more than one woman (lucidity of choice), take some time to evaluate if there is the right affinity with one of these (Is she, according to your parameters, special to you?) to evolve the relationship and grant her the exclusivity of being with you. How to do this in practice?
You have to “work in parallel.”
This is a mistake that even those who are quite experienced in seduction make. They meet many girls and then date one at a time. If you know 10 women and they are your “special friends” one after another, one month after another, you are skipping step 3. Let me explain. If you devote this month completely and solely to…. “Pamela”, you will inevitably end up being madly in love with her and wanting her to be part of your life forever.
This impulse is given by instinct! It’s like being on a desert island alone with just you and an ugly woman…. it’s only a matter of time and your brain will tell you that you like her and you will reproduce (Instinct: “yeeeh!").
The same thing happens in Big Brother and space bases: too much time together with no alternatives = she’s the perfect one for me. It’s like you IDEALLY have lots of different foods to choose from, but only ever ONE thing at a time every night in the fridge… maybe tomorrow night there’s no more chicken but there’s salad with tuna… but tonight there isn’t, today there’s ONLY half a chicken and you’re going to choose that! It’s not a real choice!
The bad thing is that you will really feel like you are choosing freely and lucidly but it will happen that you will choose her because she is the only choice “available” at that moment. This mechanism is not activated in the case of multiple dates in the same period. You have to give a real possibility of choice to your brain. If today you go out with Giovanna, the day after tomorrow you kiss Elisa, in the weekend you know other 4-5 girls, and on Monday you have sex with Simona then yes you can really choose with which girl eventually create an exclusive relationship.
The term Exclusive Relationship makes more the idea of “serious story” or “relationship”. If you know a lot of girls but you only go further with one at a time and with the others you don’t try anything and “keep them good for later” you are basically having an exclusive relationship with her. Don’t make any rash choices when you are in a “dry spell”! Do you have a month in which you sexually date only 1 or 2 girls? If you really feel that it is time to start a relationship, take your time and postpone the decision to the next month.
Obviously all this is valid if you haven’t already set up an uncomfortable relationship with her since the beginning… if you have always behaved as a perfect boyfriend since the moment of the approach it is late to prevent… in this case look for the resolution to your specific problem in the relationship category. Creating your own circle of “interested friends” is necessary to refine your mentality and understand even better how women think and the different ways they live their sexuality (you will not be “compatible” with all of them and you will refine your sexual preferences).
Being together is an important choice
Don’t decide in haste or lightly, take your time to understand what you want.
Beware, if you think that dating multiple women and having sex with them is immoral or improper, or that it is impossible, I invite you to read the other articles on the site. It’s not about tricking women into sleeping with you, if you have similar ideas in your head (limiting-beliefs) you will never get anything done as your own thinking will limit your actions, your mind will self-sabotage (see articles and ebooks on social filters, mindset, self-sabotage, limiting-beliefs and inner-game). You will realize that what you want from a woman does not coincide with what you thought you wanted, you will find your balance and only then will you master “point 3” and be able to make a sensible decision. You will be the one to choose which woman to give the privilege of having an exclusive relationship with you.
This will be a mature choice, something she has certainly earned, it will be almost an honor for her to have been the favorite among all of them. For months she has been consciously competing with other women, for her it will be like having won some sort of contest, and she will want to enjoy the hard-earned prize for a long time. Almost all men, on the other hand, immediately get together with the first woman they meet, one at a time, just like that… as if nothing had happened… selling off their exclusivity, trivializing their concept of a relationship.
When you decide lightly it means that for you the matter is not so important, you attribute a low value to it and you will face everything with superficiality (regardless of the reason for the choice: make her happy, secure sex, fear of being alone, reassure her and not make her jealous, social pressure, etc…).
When, on the other hand, you think about it a lot before choosing, it means that the issue is of vital importance to you, you associate a very high value to it. Moreover, when it comes to a relationship, thinking it through is not synonymous with indecision, but with seriousness. Try to be honest from the beginning with her. Don’t make promises of exclusivity when you know you want to date other women. Don’t get together with each one, dating others on the side.
You’re simply dating multiple women because you’re picky and haven’t found what you’re looking for yet. You will have several men courting you too, it’s completely natural, no need to explain. You are dating, you are both morally free to have other partners. Does she make jealous tantrums or set difficult conditions for you to accept? You are just dating, weigh the pros and cons, talk to her and make a choice. If this is going on be clear, ask her what a relationship is for her, how she feels about you and what she expects. Communicate only so you can understand how like-minded you are and if it’s time to commit to something more serious!
Dating multiple women in the same period doesn’t mean you’re a phenomena, you don’t need to be a seduction guru.
It is perfectly normal, normal in human nature, less so in our cultural model (social filters). In college what did you do flirt with one at a time or did you hit on one, one, and another? When you start dating one girl, keep flirting and setting up dates with the others too! If a girl accepts a date, you don’t have to act like you’re “booked for the whole month”, dating one girl doesn’t bind you, you can safely ask other girls out too. By going out with many different women in the same period, you will refine your way of doing things and really understand what YOU are looking for in a Woman.
In order to be able to freely choose “what to eat” without regretting it, you must first have a full fridge.
Don’t be ashamed of your instincts, it’s natural for men to feel attraction to women, it’s natural to desire them sexually. Listen to your needs and ridicule the filters imposed by society because now it’s time to dare a little more and turn a good part of your female acquaintances into special friendship with benefits.